Self Searching Trip to Vancouver and Canadian Rockies
I would like to live a simple life, but sometimes that seems to be the most challenging lifestyle I can wish for. Definitely not saying my issues in life are more serious than others. I have seen and noticed how other people struggle in their life; they fought, they screamed, and sometimes they gave up. Nonetheless, I am still lucky when compared to some people. The thing is, I would like to feel lucky about my life without comparing. If life is really good, I wouldn’t have to compare to feel better and I always think it is not fair to compare myself to more unfortunate people so that I can feel better. We live in a life that is dictated by social medias, comparing is what we do in everyday life.
Recently, my dad passed away.
No, I didn’t plan this trip because of my dad. I not going to pretend that I am taking this trip because of the pain of losing my dad. It is not like the movie, ‘Eat Pray Love,’ that I go on the journey after what happened to my dad. It is painful for sure, and I don’t know how to deal with this kind of emotion, not that other people would know how. I have been living a life that I often feel the need to suppress my feeling and my emotions. Sometimes I worry how people would react if I was being completely honest, or if I said no their requests.
This is the first time for me to go through a mourning process and I don’t know how. I have heard people talk about the 5 stages of loss and grief, I think they probably are quite accurate. Yes, my dad had been ill, and sometimes I tried to imagine how I would react if bad things happened to him. I wanted to be ready. The thing is, you can never be ready for this kind of thing. My feeling is totally different from what I imagined. I am feeling out of sync.
Therefore, the trip came at a right timing for me to escape.
I don’t know what this trip means to me. I truly don’t. I don’t even know if anyone would want to read about somebody’s grieving process. Writing this probably helps me to think more than any other purpose. When I woke up this morning, I thought I was going to write about my boring flight experience. Obviously I will have to skip that part.
For 2 weeks, I am visiting Vancouver, driving through Harrison Hot Springs and Kelowna. Then spending about a week in Banff and Jasper, driving through Kamloops to go back to Vancouver before flying back to my ordinary life in Austin.
This is not a trip of a glorious wanderer. Not planning something crazy, just taking one step at a time and enjoying what I see in every city, every town. At the end of the trip, maybe I will find out if the trip had helped me to go through my loss or I am just temporary escaping.